As I sit gazing into the outside. It rains. Little kids playing out in the rain, splashing making puddles fly in the air. The swings covered in rain. Nobody swinging. Children running down the slide, as I fade away. My palms against my face as I sit wishing I could be out there. Running in the rain. But no. I am stuck inside wishing I could be there. I'm gone. Wishing. Dreaming. Kids have little worries. Me, a teenager, with a ton. I worry what is going to happen tomorrow. What is going to happen in the next five minutes. Kids can play, and do their homework, and people cook for them. But I'm fifteen. I am expected to do my work. Play comes afterwards.

I fade all the way now. Little kids don't worry about love. But I do. Why? I want to know why. Why can't I be loved? Why aren't I loved? Am I a disease? Am I bad-looking? My friends say I look bad some days. They say I worry too much. I worry because I'm afraid. Afraid I won't be loved.

I want a boy- no, I want a man, who will love me for me. Who can see all my flaws, and love every bit of them. Who sees that I can be a crazy psychopath. Who sees that all I want is love. I want him genuine. I want him to hold me when I'm sad. To tell me everything is going to be OK, even if it's not. I want him to run in the rain with me. To smile and when every time I see that smile, I forget what sorrow is. Because I'm with him. Him.

But no. It's too hard. I can't find a man like that. If only we all could have a love like I want. But I don't think I'll find one. I know, I have family. I have friends. They care. I know, but I want more. I'm so greedy, but I want more. I want a man who loves me, and I can love back. Who cares about what I think. Who will hug me and tell me he loves me as we say goodbye, and then will call as soon as he gets home, because he's dying just to know what I am thinking, what I want, how I feel.

I fall back towards earth rather dangerously, and quickly, with what seems like will be tons of pain, as my cat rubs her face against mine purring loudly in my ear, as I crumble back to reality. And the bell rings. The children run inside, and the rain, oh the rain. It falls down harder now. Oh as I wish. As I drift away again.